What should i say and what should i do ?

Everytime there is some problem come againts us.. the problem coming non stop.. i really don't know i can stand until when.. why human have to go through so many problem every time ? can i just have a normal life with someone that i love to be beside me ? today is Valentine day.. so what for me ? do i have someone really can celebrate with me ? i don't need any special celebration.. but i just only wish the person that i love can be with me.. is that very hard to do that ? even though just eating bread beside the road , i already feel very happy.. do what , eat what is not important.. as long as just be with the person that i love is already more then enough... i don't know where are u and what are u doing.. just a very simple caring question i also don't dare to ask and don't dare to text u.. i don't know what will happen if i really text to u again.. for me is caring but for u.. maybe u will think that i'm controling ur own life.. i don't know how to become a good girl friend.. cause i'm not a good girl friend.. i'm doing so hard to control my tear to drop out again.. my tear is dripping out every second when i think about you.. i'm controling myself not to think about u so much not to miss you so much.. but i just can't do that.. cause i'm still love you so much.. don't you know that ? i do so many thing for u is because i love you and i just care so much for you.. i care so much for u until i forget to care for myself and i don't know who am i anymore.. i'm really just a very normal girl.. just to want a very very normal life.. i don't need a rich boy friend or a rich husband in the future.. what i want is just only a guy that care for me and love me so much.. this is what i want always... maybe for other you might not understand my feeling.. i'm not a play girl.. i very serious in my own relationship.. can't u just understand me a lil bit ? i really seriously and extremly sad... again my heart has broken by myself again... i don't blame on people.. but myself.. cause this is what i have choose in the beginning although i know this road is so hard for me to go.. or maybe at first i already make wrong choice.. the day that i'm with you is really so happy.. the happy for me is really can't describe it out.. and i don't know how to describe doh.. i'm really treasure every movement when i'm with you.. and i appreciate it too... but for now.. i think what i say and what i do is also not important at all already... thing is already past... past is past... i'm trying not to look back... please.. is someone there to guide me out of this sadness place ? i'm lost in de middle of this sadness..